These days, many would argue that heavy metal isn’t very sexy. As metal became more and more extreme and entrenched, it often forsaken steamier subject matter for violence, horror, and depression, lest its creators come off as soft for wanting to press against a human body rather than hack it up for barbecue. Sexuality automatically creates vulnerability, loaded as it is with cultural stigmas and physical realities, so plenty of bands choose to instead write about detached topics like battle and monsters (or, even worse, the unrealistic sexual cliches offered by mainstream culture and Gothic literature).
This is a damn shame, and honestly somewhat bizarre. Metalheads love couching their musical roots in Southern blues music, which was all about looking for love in all the wrong places and grew out of guitar chords that sound like two bodies grinding on each other. But in 2019, it feels like not even the slowest and heaviest of metal bands are trying to write solid baby-making music.
But this wasn't always the case. Before grunge made metal became self-conscious of its own ridiculous image, plenty of bands wrote slow, sexy tracks that were also genuinely heavy. These songs were the perfect inspiration for backseat whale music, but they also usually took things in a raw, bestial direction, reveling in Satan and sweat rather than teenage schoolyard romance.
For many, the heavy metal sex ballad was one of the genre’s most valuable commodities, proof that it could cause all the same vapors as soul or funk. Today, it’s a forgotten art form, either lumped in with its corny hair metal ballad brethren or ignored in favor for more blatantly gross songs about sliding things in and licking things up.
So this Valentine’s Day, we offer you a list of classic heavy metal sex ballads. Remember to use protection, or at the very least wear some spikes.