1:19
A trickle of blood runs from the corner of Jesus Christ’s eye down His cheek, a timely reminder during hayfever season of the dangers of excessive rubbing.
1:21
Axl is tossing in bed. Not like that, you filthy reader.
1:25
Good on whoever put the orchestra together for this – they managed to find the most appropriate-looking flautist to accompany Guns N’ Roses that you’re ever likely to see. If you saw a picture of her isolated from this video you’d go, ‘She looks like she should play the flute for Guns N’Roses.’
1:30
In come the vocals, a full minute and half in.
1:36
Hello, who’s this? It’s Axl Rose’s then-girlfriend, Victoria’s Secret model Stephanie Seymour. Seymour had previously appeared in the video for Don’t Cry. Her dress was designed by Carmela Sutera, it cost $8,000 and inspired lots of cheap knock-offs.
1:52
Between the conductor, Sorum, Slash and Duff McKagan, there is a one-point-five-second sequence here that contains about a quarter of a ton of curly hair.
1:57
Gilby Clarke’s shirt is very good.
2:01
Our first look at Axl in the wedding sequence, and he’s dressed like a vampire bullfighter. We’ve mainly seen him in shades and a bandana until now, and he really looks different – sunglasses can change how we perceive the shape of someone’s face, plus the bandana was covering his enormous, lion-like eyebrows.
2:04
Hats off to Axl for not being afraid to be visibly shorter than his partner. According to a 2012 study, in 92.5 per cent of heterosexual couples the man is taller than the woman, so props to Axl for being unafraid to be in that other 7.5 per cent. Seymour is even wearing high heels, adding to the difference.
2:10
Smoking isn’t cool, obviously, but, when Slash does it, it sort of… is?
2:17
This is a real priest, a real-life pal of Axl’s named Gianantonio. This sequence is all shot inside the real LA church, coincidentally one that Gianantonio had worked in.
2:20
A fifth entry into the timeline! The Rainbow Bar & Grill in LA was Lemmy’s favourite bar in the world, as well as being frequented in the ’70s and ’80s by all the big names of the rock world. It still exists, and last year was inducted into the Hall of Heavy Metal History for its part in breaking new acts.
2:31
In the 1980s, everybody smoked. Like, that’s the main thing they’re doing here. They’re slightly drinking and slightly hanging out with each other, but mainly having an evening of smoking. Stephanie Seymour gets to try Slash’s hat on in this scene, which we’d all like to do. This scene presumably comes before the wedding, and is there to show how in love they are, how cool she is, how much she gets on with Axl’s pals and stuff.
3:05
A nice bit of ‘Slash, you idiot!’ acting from the priest, as the axeman’s only gone and lost the bloody rings. Slash, you idiot! Luckily Duff McKagan has more rings than he needs, worn atop his leather gloves, so the day is saved. Or maybe he nicked the actual rings, and was wearing them for a bit of a prank. Either way, the wedding has rings and everything can proceed.
3:22
Axl’s wearing a big metal claw. Ledge.
3:33
Awww. A nice big romantic open-mouthed kiss.
3:40
Slash’s walk is badass. He swaggers down the church aisle like a pirate undertaker.
3:45
Bridge!
3:56
Whoa! Slash walked out of the big LA church, but then exited the small New Mexico one, clad no longer in his ace suit, but in a badass leather jacket, chaps and no shirt combo. He strolls to the end of the church path, leans back and bang, it’s one of the most iconic images in rock videos – Slash playing a solo, shot from a helicopter that sends clouds of dust billowing around him. Weirdly for such an iconic shot, he’s missing both his hat and sunglasses, two of the things that have always made him one of the easiest rock stars to draw.