“I wanna see more sex in the mosh-pit”: Kerrang!’s view from the bar at Bloodstock 2024

What does the ‘B’ in BOA stand for? On this weekend’s evidence: banter. There was plenty of horsing around at Bloodstock this weekend, notably Hatebreed waving their ball around, and Raised By Owls’ entire set (and that’s before the arrival of nun-mum). But it was off it that you find that the true heart of festivals is often a very silly one indeed.

First up, having slayed the main stage on Friday with one of the sets of the weekend, Green Lung frontman Tom Templar hit upon a wheeze for a new band while watching – and, indeed, knowing every single word to – Eternal Champion. “It’s gonna be like this,” he told us. Yeah? What are you calling it? “Todger.” Marvellous. We sincerely hope the lad remembered all this the next day.

More sensibly, Opeth’s Mikael Åkerfeldt gave us a run-down of the story behind their new album, The Last Will And Testament.

“It starts with three siblings arriving at their family mansion after their father, a stern, old, conservative, paranoid, evil, noble fuck has died, and it goes through his will a paragraph at a time. It's basically twists and turns, where you find out which are actually his kids, is the short version.”

The Swedish prog lord then gave us the long version (watch this space), which all sounds very King Diamond. “I can’t deny that…”

On how he felt the band’s third Bloodstock headliner was going to go, he replied that the festival feels sort of homely, but also that, “I’m probably gonna say something fucking stupid onstage like I always do.” No comment.

He’s a very nice man, but this didn’t stop one nameless British hardcore musician chickening out of talking to him when he saw him wandering around. “I just froze, he’s my idol. I felt like Han Solo in carbonite.”

A missed opp, but know that you’re not the only one. Enslaved’s Ivar Bjørnson revealed that, with his band having a much broader diary than just metal fests, they’ve ended up playing with all sorts. “I remember we were in a dressing room by Deftones, who I love, but I just didn’t want to go and knock on their door,” the burly guitar teddy-bear admitted. “Just because: what would I say? I didn’t want to embarrass myself.”

Doing much better, Jake Crawford from unpeople managed to meet top brass when they played with Metallica in Austria the other week. “Mate, I met the big man – I shook James Hetfield’s riffing hand,” he told us. Good shake? Nice, firm grip? “Yeah, and he knew our name. He came up and went, ‘Ah you’re The Unpeople’, with a massive cigar in his mouth. I haven’t washed my hand since…”

Lovely. With Saturday being Dinosaur Fancy-Dress Day, unsurprisingly, Jake was one of the first musicians to spot Jurassic action going on in the pit during their morning slot. Which, somehow isn’t the maddest thing seen from the stage this summer.

“There were people fucking in the pit at one festival,” Mimi Barks tells us with her usual directness in the bar after her show. She and her band remain tight-lipped about where it was, but it's given her an idea. “I wanna see more of that. Whenever I play my new song WORMGIRL, I wanna see sex in the mosh-pit.”

On matters more wholesome: travel. Amon Amarth arrived in the UK for Bloodstock not by longboat, but in a private jet. Malevolence came all the way from their U.S. trek with Lamb Of God just for this (“I didn’t fly 3,000 miles to watch you standing around with your dicks in your hands,” is how singer Alex Taylor let people know of their efforts). And Scottish thrashers Hellripper had to high-tail it to Germany for another gig straight after their Thursday night speed-o-rama. “Like Jon Bon Jovi? Aye, but faster,” is how mainman James McBain put it to us.

None of them made as much effort as Lawrence O’Brien, however, who arrived at Bloodstock on a bike, wearing a rather fetching pink cycling helmet, having ridden all the way from Germany’s Wacken. Which he also cycled to. And, because that’s not enough, he did it all entirely unsupported, with his tent attached to his bike.

“I’ve done 1,100 miles so far,” he beamed. “It’s not been too bad. Although, The Netherlands and Germany up to Wacken is pretty flat. It’s not the same getting from Harwich ferry!” No. And after this, “I’m riding back home to Norwich!” All this is being done for the Sophie Lancaster Foundation, so if you want to make Lawrence’s sore legs worthwhile, throw some money to the cause here.

And finally, our discovery of the weekend, Manchester thrashers Hellbearer. Having won the chance to play the New Blood Stage the lads, went on to take the record for most bodies over that barrier (including a member of K! staff) during their show.

“What we want from our shows is the vibe of 1980s Bay Area thrash,” they tell us, having delivered just that. “We grew up listening to Metallica and Exodus and watching documentaries about it, so to get that response at Bloodstock was a dream come true.”

Apparently unable to stop winning, guitarist Matthew Robinson then went on to round off his weekend by bagging first place in the EMP shredding competition and being handed a shiny new guitar on the Ronnie James Dio Stage. If you saw them, you'll know why.

Same time next year for more fun and whatnot. Right, now have a glass of water and get to your tents. It’s way past everyone’s bedtimes.

Get the Kerrang! x Bloodstock merch collection.

Read this next:

• The big review: Bloodstock 2024
  
• The big review: Wacken 2024
• 10 bands you can’t miss at ArcTanGent 2024